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Main » 2009 » December » 29 » Happy birthday, Ilham!
Happy birthday, Ilham!
On December 24th, the entire population of Azerbaijan Republic and entire progressive humanity celebrate the birthday of the President of Azerbaijan Republic Ilham Heydar oglu Aliyev. The editorial staff of on behalf of all its employees congratulates Ilham Aliyev, worthy son of the great national leader. We admire the multi-faceted talents of the President of Azerbaijan, his vision and intelligence, and we hope that these qualities will continue to serve him faithfully. In this case, Ilham Aliyev without fail will be able to solve one of the main puzzles and finally find the answer to the question; the leader of what nation was the great Heydar Aliyev, the father of Ilham Aliyev. Well, we hope today the President of Azerbaijan will relax and enjoy the holiday, we hope he will read not only congratulations from the leaders of the different countries, but also our modest but sincere message..

Azerbaijan recognized as a reformer number one.

His new presidential period Ilham Aliyev began with the solid reserve. In the past 5 years he succeeded in solving several complex problems: to forged signature, let’s put it mildly, of his incapable father; for several months to pretend to be Prime Minister; to work five years as the President, to redraw several times the constitution under the desires and demands of his family; to open the Foundation named after his father; to appoint to lead his own wife the Foundation named after his father; to marry oldest daughter and to appoint her to lead the Foundation named after his father on territory of Russia; to garden parks, squares and lawns named after his father on the enormous territories of Azerbaijan; to set republic by the monuments of his father; to reduce significantly unemployment by guards and guides in the many new built museums of his father; and also to increase total family income in 19,7 times.

Ilham Aliyev does not regret strength and health in solving social-welfare problems of the population of Azerbaijan. In the years of his presidency he personally presented on the opening of three houses for the refugees, 752 museums of his father, 1764 monuments of his father; 362 parks, 176 squares and 39 lawns name after his father. Within the same period he participated on the opening of 28 bridges and 19 road forks, each one of them does not have any analogs in the whole world. At the same time in Azerbaijan was killed 1 journalist, 68 journalists are in the prison, 273 journalists were beaten, 97 of them were beaten twice, 16 of them were beaten three times with paternal instructions  and with the aid of the bludgeons, the iron twigs and the peaces of the metal insert.

The best-known economists of the world recognize the economy of Azerbaijan as if it doesn’t have any analogs in the world. And we understand the concern of I. Aliyev, who forced to remove from the official state statistics site of Azerbaijan Republic its monthly bulletin "social, economic development” the indices of the development dynamics in the non-petroleum sector in the structure of the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) of Azerbaijan. We understand that this fact gives occasion to all maligners to assert that it have been done because of the present year’s reduction in the rates of the increase observed during the first 8 months, we know for sure that Ilham Aliyev simply afraid of the evil eye. The amulet, which protects from the jinx (evil eye), unfortunately, could not be on the site. But there are so many jealous eyes in the world.

We also understand why I. Aliyev by all of his forces tries to raise the forecast resources of Azerbaijan’s oil, up to 10 billion barrels. The fact is that he doesn’t want (and we are agree on that) so the world would know that even at the beginning of the past century Armenian oilmen such as A. Mantashyants, S. Lianozov, brothers Mirzoyan, P. Gukasyan and others were owners of 89 acting in the Baku province oil companies out of 154. At that time "national leader” was not yet born, and Armenians shamelessly pumped out from Baku its oil, after constructing for this one of the first oil pipelines in the world: Baku -Batum. And we with Ilham Aliyev know: how little it can remain after Armenians. And the decrease of the population incomes in Azerbaijan observing now is the direct consequence of predatory exploitation by the Armenians of the natural resources of Azerbaijan Republic.

It is necessary now for Ilham Aliyev to transforme the will of his great daddy and on the basis of his own inclinations of the compulsive gambler to inject in Azerbaijan know-how on the development in the republic of the tote business. And it is not difficult to predict, especially taking into the account the beginning of the production in Azerbaijan of many guns that in the very near future the most popular form of the economic activity in Azerbaijan will become the Russian roulette.

Vertical line of Aliyev

The vertical line of authority in Azerbaijan undoubtedly must bear Aliyev’s name, doesn’t matter whose: elder or young. Since it was developed and thought out by Heydar Aliyev from the leader of rural community to the ministers, and then it had been creative rethought by Aliyev Ilham. If elder Aliyev solidly rested by one foot on Erazs (Azeri migrated from the Armenia) and by the other on Nakhchivan Kurds, then Ilham Aliyev by one-legged pillar was stuck into the durable clan- tribal pyramid, comprised exclusively of the Kurds. Whether others times now, or he felt worm holes in the foundation of karapapah - it is not possible for normal mortal like us to understand the intentions of geniuses.

However there it was, Ilham Aliyev hid from the human eyes loyal companions-in-arms of his father: nakhers Ali Insanov, Farkhad Aliyev and even famous (Guska), whose real name is Guseyn Abdullaev, and who repeatedly risked his life for the daddy of Aliyev. But what does mean the life of the despised serfs, when the discussion does deal with the prosperity of the family clan?

Acting Aliyev also made a rate on young personnel. The clear example to the aforesaid is the designation of the former military commissar of the Azerbaijan Republic Aliagi Guseynov to the Chief Executive of the Salyansk district. In this case Aliyev went on the certain victims, depriving him of yearly profit in 30 million dollars, properly given by general-lieutenant Aliagoy. Trifle, of course, but, nevertheless. Although we do not exclude that the new military commissar promised even greater profit to Aliyev, and, probably the old leader of Salyan district suffered the mania of the incomes concealment.

Independent policy of the independent country

The swift career of Ilham Aliyev began from the military coup in 1993, when the national leader of Azerbaijan arrived to the authority in the Republic on the force brigade of the fur trader Suret Guseynov. Then daddy banished Suret (in the best traditions of Azerbaijan reality), and, of cause, loving father invited son to the post of the Deputy General Director of the State Oil Company. Prodigal Son (Ilham) wisely calculated, that this post will bring him more profits than stagnation in the Turkish casinos and returned. And he plunged his head into the high policy. When time came to leave this world to the father, Ilham conspired, forged signature of his father and appointed himself to the post of the Prime Minister, it was fair admiration of the inherited father’s talents in the population.

Now Ilham conducts independent from his father policy. He decided that the daddy policy on the weakest problem of Azerbaijan - regulating Highland- Karabakh conflict - was not accurate; he stated that from now on Azerbaijan will continue negotiations with the Armenian side from the "clean sheet”. Ilham Aliyev with the instincts of the gamer realized that the largest gain is located on the West, changed the Foreign policy orientation from the "moderately multi-vector” of Heydar to the pro-Western.

From the other side Ilham Aliyev strongly moved the historical theory of father, which asserts that the Armenians in the region are nomadic outsider people, and here Turkish tribes – native - farmers of the South Caucasus. Thus, Ilham came to the conclusion that touched entire historical science: The Republic of Armenia is built on the Azerbaijan land.

After forgetting the expression that Heydar Aliyev borrowed from Turkmenbashi, wise Ilham machinates against the government of Turkey, while conveniently arranging by being in the opposition with Turkish generals. Thus, all recent appointments in the high-ranking commander of Azerbaijan occurred solely according to the recommendation of Turkish military intelligence.

We can’t stand of admiring of the farsighted policy of Ilham, who voluntarily refuses the part of the sovereignty of the Republic in the name of preserving remaining parts. At the same time, we can’t fail to note that this wise policy Ilham inherited from his brilliant father, who knew how to save 80% of Soviet Azerbaijan territory, who then deserved national love and the title of "national leader”.

Thoughtful daddy

Most of all Ilham Aliyev dreams about living until the time when he would pass the rod of the Azerbaijan’s owner to his only son - Heydar Aliyev junior. Ilham Aliyev understands that it is necessary to clean all of the dark spots of his son’s biography from the bloody spots of Heydar Aliyev (the elder) and his own dark spots. Therefore he spares resources, as a thoughtful daddy, to the publication of the articles that clean their biography as if the overalls of sanitation worker were washed with the "Ariel” powder. According to the latest data, generous daddy already pays for each article 26 thousand US dollars.

The right hand of Ilham Aliyev in all of his activities and undertakings is Mehriban Arif qizi Aliyeva (Pashaeva), the candidate of the philosophical sciences, the ambassador of good will of UNESCO, Organization of the Islamic Conference (OIC) and Islamic Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (ISESCO), the Member of Parliament of Azerbaijan Republic and the mom of Heydar Aliyev junior. The first lady of Azerbaijan has her own plans to the son, and, and the most surprising, that her plans only temporarily disperse from the plans of Ilham. In any case, Mehriban khanum, after forgiving to her husband many adventures including even occurred practically in front of her eyes adultery with the Turkish singer Ebru Gundesh, in reality proved that she is ready to all for her son. However, in this case she managed to intercept the big part of her husband’s power, therefore insuring herself from the unexpected somersaults in the behavior of her husband.

That the way they live hand to hand… Aliyevs: Ilham, Mehriban, Heydar. Well there are also daughters - Leyly and Zuhry - wise Ilham already successfully married elder of them, and now they both with Mehriban Pashaeva meticulously study many fiancés to the young one. It is necessary to create the dynasty, and on top of it there would be again Heydar, this time the junior. We again congratulate the President of Azerbaijan Republic Ilham Heydar oglu Aliyev with his birthday.

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